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20th May 2016

I write complaint letters to companies and, in fairness, their replies are hysterical

Ciara Knight

I am an activist. Sorry, but I make no apology for it.

An activist is defined as a person who campaigns for some kind of social change.

As I have demonstrated in the past with my feelings regarding the extortionate price of Freddos, it’s vital that we, as a society, speak out when we feel that something unjust has occurred.

From a young age, I wrote letters to companies. I wrote to Coca-Cola and recommended that they turn the drinks different colours because they were boring, but they ignored me, so I went straight to their rivals, Pepsi, who also ignored me.

I once wrote to a company that was responsible for giving me a tiny marshmallow in a bag of regular sized marshmallows. “If I wanted mini marshmallows, I would’ve bought mini marshmallows”, I said. I also wrote to cereal manufacturers when they slightly altered their recipes, thinking they could pull the wool over our eyes. Not mine. I was and will forever remain an incredibly #woke individual.

I can’t be sure what the thought process was behind these letters. I think I just held my opinions in unnecessarily high regard. I genuinely felt that I could achieve some form of justice via a poorly scribbled letter and an angry face on the envelope. Classic me!

When the internet arrived, I was welcomed into an exciting world where I could immediately be ignored by companies that, rightfully, didn’t have time for my bullshit. I sent e-mails, left poor reviews and requested managers’ home addresses to my heart’s content.

In recent years, I’ve take to Twitter to share some of the replies I’ve received. Sorry, what’s that? They seem fake? No, YOU seem fake.