Eircode, Eircode, Eircode.
The Government is currently justifying the fact that they’ve spent €38m on postcodes for every home in the country. It’ll be good for us, apparently.
While I’m yet to be convinced by the necessity for having to add another line into online billing information sections, I’ve taken the time to come up with some other ways that the Government could’ve spent the money, that would truly benefit us all.
Here’s what the Government could alternatively do with that €38m…
Give Everyone €8
Nothing would brighten up a dull day like the Government sending all of us €8. The possibilities with that money would be endless. We could all get a nice lunch and a can of Fancy Mineral™, maybe even treat ourselves by getting a taxi to our next door neighbour’s house!
Fund Hillary Clinton’s Presidential Campaign
Hillary has already raised $42 million (€38m) for her presidential campaign, but we could’ve saved her the hassle by donating our hard earned cash. She deserves it after what Bill allegedly put her through. YAAS QUEEN SLAY, etc.
Buy 126 Million Freddos
This would result in every person in Ireland receiving roughly 28 Freddos each. That’s a very decent amount of chocolate, which would take our minds (briefly) off the outrage regarding their excessive cost. I’d certainly stop dropping into every second article, that’s for sure.
Buy A Luxury Yacht
This stunning property is also complete with helicopter and landing pad, meaning everyone in Ireland can sail or alternatively fly elsewhere to a land where postal addresses are simple and uninhibited. Several trips may be required to get all 4.5m of us out of here.
Buy Belgium International Striker Michy Batshuayi
The possibilities are endless with young Michy. With the added cost of €80, we could get him sorted with an Irish passport and force him into playing football for Ireland. In terms of morale, we could do with a handsome 22-year-old Belgian footballer being on our shores, partaking in our signature activities such as hurling and drinking.
A Ferrari
Forbes
This vehicle is worth €34m so we’d have about €4m leftover, which could be spent on car essentials such as petrol, television screens, sucky sweets and the entire High School Musical back catalogue on CD. The whole of Ireland would have to take turns using it, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. BAGSY having it for my college reunion.
Get Six Back Together
Hot Press
Let’s call a spade a spade here folks, the only that’s stopping Six from answering their fans’ prayers is money. My suggestion is that we start them all off on minimum wage of €9.15 per hour and pump the remainder of the €38m into getting Nadine to rejoin the band. Unfortunately, that will make 7, so we’ll have to get rid of one. They will fight in a Hunger Games situation until a loser is crowned.
Purchase one avocado in Marks & Spencer’s
…BECAUSE THEY COST ROUGHLY €38 MILLION.
