THIS JUST IN: There’s a hole in the ozone layer.
There’s also something wrong with the left phalange, but we’ll worry about that nearer the time.
It’s been announced that the hole in the ozone layer has gotten slightly smaller. That’s all well and good, but we still need to be mindful of our excessive use of CFCs and how we got into such a big mess in the first place.
Having done some brief research into what contributes the most to that hole in the ozone layer, I’ve been able to pinpoint the offences to one very influential character. This is an exposé, so strap yourself in.
The main contributing factor to the massive hole in the ozone layer is the presence of CFCs, which are caused by aerosols, cleaning agents, fridge coolants, air conditioning, packing materials and fire extinguishers.
Folks, there is one man that, at a push, can be connected to most of these sinful things. It is none other than Ireland’s answer to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, FRANCIS BRENNAN!
We’re as shocked as you are. The nation’s sweetheart has single-handedly created the hole in the ozone layer and he must be held accountable for it.
His hotel and life choices are at fault here and we can no longer turn a blind eye to it. The people need to know and we, as Ireland’s answer to Spotlight, have a duty to report it.
Upon inspecting Francis’ Wikipedia page, our suspicions are confirmed.
We’ve contacted Francis’ people and eagerly await their response.
