Excuses, we’re great at them. In fact, ladies if we’re really honest, when it comes to excuses, we win. Every. Single. Time.
In the great big book of excuses we’ve all used, we decided to take a look at the ones we use on those occasions when we’re not up for doing the deed, analyse them and give a breakdown of what they actually mean.
We’re not being mean; we’re just trying to let the male population down easy.
1. Excuse: “I’ve a migraine…”
Analysis: “From listening to you talking sh*te”. No amount of paracetamol in this world will help aid the imaginary throbbing pain in your temple. You’re not in the mood. Simple as.
2. Excuse: “I’ve an early morning…”
Analysis: You really cannot be bothered in engaging in anything other than a cuddle. All you are interested in is being playing a game of big spoon, little spoon.
3. Excuse: “I’ve a lot of work to do…”
Analysis: The new Love/Hate starts tonight and there isn’t a chance you’re missing it.
4. Excuse: “I can’t wake my housemates…”
Analysis: Don’t lie, you’d be all over the idea of hooking up if your room wasn’t an unmerciful state.
5. Excuse: “I’ve gotta run… it’s a bit of an emergency”
Analysis: Ah, this one is a bit of a classic. It allows you to make a swift exit without any questions. Winner.
6. Excuse: “I’ve an awful sick stomach”
Analysis: This is usually accompanied with: “I shouldn’t have had that last drink/shot/burger”. You’re no more sick – you’ve just remembered that you haven’t shaved your legs and you’re wearing knickers that even Bridget Jones herself would pass on.
7. Excuse: “Look, I just can’t…”
Analysis: You’re a really poor liar and when it comes to thinking on your feet, you stumble every single time. You went out after work, it’s been at least a good 18 hours since you last showered and you feel disgusting. We get it, sadly he won’t.
8. Excuse: “I forgot to take my pill”
Analysis: You’re not even on the pill. You haven’t waxed and you’re too self-conscious about the entire thing, so you settle on a little white lie to save yourself any unnecessary embarrassment.
9. Excuse: “We”, that’s me… Thanks for the lift!”
Analysis: You’ve shared a taxi to your place and he thinks it is lucky night… Think again, Sunshine. This is a real sly move and if executed correctly works like an absolute charm because you just simply could not be bothered.
10. Excuse: “I have my period”
Analysis:This is what some would call the ‘Mack Daddy’ of excuses. We are DEFINITELY not engaging in the horizontal dance, it doesn’t matter how bard they try to persuade you…
Not even for you, Gosling.
Ladies, we’ve left any out then we sincerely apologise, there’s simply no excuse…
