In this weekly feature, Her.ie goes behind enemy lines to see what it’s really like to be single in Ireland.
From speed dating to making speedy escapes, our no-holds-barred blog will follow our attempts to venture into the dating jungle, play the field and share any wisdom that we finds along the way.
Week Twenty Eight: The Ten Commandments Of A Tinder Date
In the last week or two, we’ve received an email or two from readers who were concerned about how to approach dating online in the wake of the recent alleged attack on a woman in Dublin while on a date with someone she met through Tinder.
It goes without saying that any woman should be able to go on dates and meet with people without any fear of such an outcome and the responsibility of such an attack lies solely at the feet of the perpetrator, rather than the victim, but unfortunately, we are living in a society where it is necessary to take some precautions when meeting people for the first time.
Some of you have admitted that, being new to using apps such as Tinder, you’ve felt a bit unsure as to how to organise a date and have asked what the ‘norm’ is when it comes to meeting up with that guy that you’ve been chatting with so we decided to put together a few do’s and don’ts to make sure you can enjoy your date and be comfortable, wherever you decide to break the ice.
1) Thou shalt not jump the gun
Yes, there’s a definite connection and he could be the one that you’ve been waiting for all your life but in reality, you only know his first name and the fact that he’s passionate about Manchester United and koalas. With Tinder, there can often be a tendency to jump into dates but it generally pays to take some time and get to know the person a little better before committing to a face-to-face.
Depending on the situation, this could be anything from a week to a month but the bottom line is to only agree when you feel comfortable with the idea. If he’s not happy to take his time, you can probably do better.
2) Thou shalt spread the word
If you meet a hottie and have a hot date planned, tell your mates. We’re not saying to put out a notice in the parish newsletter but fill a friend in on what you know about him, where and when you are meeting and tell her that you’ll check in after an hour or two to make sure everything is going well. It’s a tiny thing but can definitely help you to relax.
3) Thou shalt do it in public
No, we’re not suggesting that you get down and dirty on Grafton Street (even though there’s a lot of said for a bit of al fresco shenanigans) but for that first meet-up, it’s always best to opt for a coffee or a drink somewhere central. Given the fact that we’re all perpetually broke, a lot of guys will suggest an evening in with a box-set or cooking dinner at home and chances are, it’ll all go off without a hitch but better safe than sorry, we say.
Anyway, you’ll be staying in long enough once you’re coupled up, so enjoy it while you can!
4) Thou shalt think outside the box
Don’t be afraid to veer away from the usual when it comes to dates or take the reins and suggest an alternative if you don’t like his suggestion. From heading to a gig to doing the Ghostbus tour, something a little quirky will tell you a lot more about your date than a trip to the cinema.
5) Thou shalt cyber stalk
Forget the haters, there is nothing unreasonable about wanting to know who you’re heading on a date with so use your feminine wiles to gather a little info and then hit Google, Facebook, Twitter or whatever you need to gather a little intel on your man. It may turn up a few useful warning signs or seal the deal when it comes to his rep as Mr Perfect.
6) Thou shalt disregard the ‘anti-gentlemen’
There are many sound lads online. Equally, there are many sleazy and a few dodgy characters out there. Starting a convo with anything sexually explicit, degrading or overly familiar is not cute or clever. Do not think about hitting the reply button…the block one is a better option.
7) Thou shalt always trust your instincts
Whether it’s something that they say online or do something you don’t like on a date, always trust your gut and if you’re feeling uncomfortable, get the hell out of dodge. Don’t put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation just because you wanted to be polite.
8) Thou shalt NEVER think you owe anything to anybody
This is pretty obvious but it never hurts to reinforce it. You do not owe anything to anybody. Even if somebody buys you a Tiffany ring, dinner in Paris and a shiny Porsche, that does not entitle them to a minute of your time unless you want to give it to them. Nor does it entitle them to a goodnight kiss, a grope or anything else. If they disagree with this, they are entitled to a swift kick in the nads.
9) Thou shalt give a guy a chance
The above aside, try not to immediately write off someone because they don’t look exactly like their picture or you don’t like their shoes. They’re just trying to put their best foot forward so give them a chance and you could be pleasantly surprised. Don’t judge a book by its cover and all that…
10) Thou shalt remember it’s supposed to be fun
Dating is a complicated old business at times but at the end of the day, it’s supposed to be fun. You’re there to have a laugh, meet some cool new people and maybe even Mr Right so don’t overthink it.
