Would you ever get involved with someone who has children? This is the question that someone asked at the Her.ie table last week.
Right away, I knew my answer. No.
In fact I went so far as to say, as controversial as it might be, that I would “never” get involved with someone who has children.
Before you judge me, it’s not because I don’t want kids. One day, I’d love to have a couple of ankle biters running around.
And it’s nothing to do with the child. It’s more about what they signify.
They signify a past relationship which will always be present in your other half’s life. That’s not an ex they’re ever going to be able to leave in the past and one that will undoubtedly (albeit not always intentionally) impact on your relationship.
With that ex comes another family and 20 more people weighing in on a situation that you are now involved and emotionally invested in. Let’s face it, relationships are complicated enough as they are.
Speaking of your relationship, it will always and should always come secondary to the child. You will be the one who is stood up. You will be the one that is expected to step down. You will always come second.
I wholeheartedly agree that this should be the case but for me personally, it’s not a road I would be willing to take.
In this respect, I am incredibly selfish. I want to get his full attention. I want to come first. And if I’m completely honest, I want our first child to be his first child.
I don’t want to be the only one getting excited when I hear the baby’s heartbeat at the first scan. I don’t want to be the only one freaking out about the first kick. Of course he would still be happy but it would no longer be new for him. He’s been there. He knows this.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t get involved with those who have children and I’m definitely not suggesting that single parents don’t deserve another chance to find love. They should and they do.
I’m simply saying that for me, there is a lot more than a child to consider. If that was the case, my answer could well be different.
