Christmas is a joyous time for most, however those who have lost a loved one will know that this time of year can be extremely difficult and tough to cope with.
Christmastime is associated with family and friends, sharing memories and making new ones, and although time is a great healer, death does not become easy, it becomes bearable.
Kerrie Cassidy lost a family member, Shauna, earlier in the month to suicide. In Ireland, deaths caused by suicide have hit an all-time high with the annual number exceeding 500.
Shauna battled with a mental illness that she, like many others, felt she couldn’t share with anyone else. Kerrie penned a truly beautiful and heartbreaking message in the days after her death and shared it on Facebook with friends.
In the message Kerrie openly talks about anger, guilt and hope. “You can manage this and as long as you can breathe you can recover”.
Her.ie reader and friend of Kerrie, Emer Clarke, got in touch with us in a bid to make sure that the message was heard by a larger audience and not just Kerrie’s friends network on Facebook.
“I believe her words should extend beyond her friend network because in my opinion it could help many people out there who are struggling and if it saves only one life, if it encourages only one sufferer to reach out for help is that not enough,” Emer wrote, and after reading it we felt compelled to share it with you.
If there’s one thing you read, retweet, repost or share this Christmas Day, make it this.
The post in full reads:
“I’m normally too much of a cynic to put a status like this up on Facebook, because I feel that people do it for the wrong reasons. Last weekend, I lost a family member to depression. Words cannot begin to describe the feelings of sadness and helplessness that Shauna’s family and friends have gone through since her death. We had tried to get her to open up several times but she said she didn’t want to talk. I feel so guilty and angry (not at Shauna) that she felt that suicide was her only option.
The stigma that is associated with mental illness in Ireland needs to end now. Every year in Ireland, over 500 people die through suicide. 10 more families have gone through what we went through since Shauna passed. And 10 more the week after. Although mental health issues affect almost half of the population (directly and indirectly) it is still a taboo topic. If you had an operation, you’d show your friends your scars, if you had cancer, you wouldn’t refuse chemo because you were embarrassed. It’s okay not to be okay. Whether you’ve gone through an emotional trauma or are feeling depressed for no particular reason, suicide is never the answer. Suicide just prevents you from getting better. It ends everything. If you’re not ready to talk about it, go on medication until you are. It will help you see through the darkness and take the emptiness away. You are brave and you can manage this and as long as you can breathe you can recover.
I am far from an expert, but depression and anxiety is something that I have suffered with for over ten years, most of it in silence. I understand the feeling of not being able to bring yourself to be happy. Sometimes you can’t eat, sometimes you can’t sleep, and sometimes you can’t even move. Friends get mad at you because you don’t go out, you don’t respond to text messages because you can’t even hold a conversation. And you really want to go out and have fun, but your body just doesn’t allow you to. Something inside of you is forcing you to be down, and nobody else understands it. When you feel depressed, you cant even remember good memories – it clouds and changes everything. People ask you how can I help make you feel better and the frustrating thing is even you don’t know what you want or what will make you feel better. And the frustration builds and the words in your head that make you feel this way and make you hate the person you are just get louder. And all within a matter of moments it feels like you’re drowning. And everyone outside is just so loud and bright and all you want to do is lie in darkness.
I would give anything in this world to have one last conversation with Shauna, to try and change her mind and to show her that she could defeat this monster. Instead, I want to say this to anyone reading this status that is dealing with mental health issues and sees suicide as a solution. I am not a miracle worker, I can’t make the words go away or make you love yourself. I can’t turn back time and take away everything that has happened to you. I know it’s bright outside and I can’t do anything to dim the lights, but I have a room that we can hide in. We can make our own dark cave and I will wait with you until you are ready. We can talk or sit in silence. We can watch tv or you can shout and rage at me about how unfair it all is. Just call me or message me. Or call a friend. Do it now. I know you don’t think they do, but people will understand. There is help and there is hope. You are valued. You are loved. And you are wanted. While you feel like this, we are all here for you. When you are ready to leave this dark room, we will do it together.
Shauna, it was never said enough but we love you so much. You were always the brightest light in any room and our world is a little darker now that you’re gone. Aideen and I will miss you more than words can say. Like Rachel, you will always be in my heart [sic]”.
Remember, it is okay not to feel okay.
If you wish to speak about a mental health matter, you can choose from one of helpline numbers below.
Aware – Phone: 1890 303 302 Website: aware.ie
Samaritans – Phone: 116 123 Website: samaritans.org
You can also call your preferred branch of Samaritans in Ireland.
SHINE (Supporting People Affected by Mental Ill Health) – Phone: 1890 621631 Website: shineonline.ie
Console – Phone: 1800 247 247 Website: console.ie
Pieta House – Phone (to arrange appointment): 01 601 00 00 Website: pieta.ie
We’re thinking of all of those families that are missing a special someone at home this Christmas. Thank you to Kerrie for allowing us to share the post and to Emer for sending it on.
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