So, as you may or may not be aware, we have really been through the ringer here over the last few years what with the complete financial meltdown and then in the last few weeks, those Anglo tapes. One thing is clear, we need a saviour, someone to sort everything out, and we know just the guy. None other than Michael O’Leary.
1. No frills
Perhaps we have been living too lavishly over the years, Michael will surely know how to scale it back. We’re talking stripped way back to essentials, none of that Mercedes type stuff or mansions in the country. No way, we’re talking war era Moscow.
2. No baggage
We will be leaving everything in the past. There will none of that petty “well you did this” and “you did that”. There will be an extra charge every time you give out about the previous government.
3. Won’t listen to complaints
Not happy with the situation? Tough. This a no complaints service and Michael knows best for the country. He will make the right decision. You may not like it at the time, but there will be an end result.
4. Will make a profit
It will be a low-cost operation, but by God, Michael will be able to make a profit. How? We won’t know.
5. No nicely nicely approach
If you are expecting the nicely nicely approach, you have checked in with the wrong country. We are on a mission here people, the most amount of money, with the lowest amount of investment.
6. We will eventually take over all the other countries
Sure, they won’t want us to, but we will make repeated attempts to buy out other countries. Just because Michael will be able to run that better too.
7. Quick turnaround time
We are hoping to have the entire country turned around in under two hours, Michael won’t be nice to you but he will sort out this situation fairly rapidly.
8. Taking us places we have never been before
Ireland will be stirred by Mike into a new era, one that we never knew could exist, but one who’s name we don’t recognise because like a lot of Ryanair flights, you never knew that city existed beside the actual city you wanted to visit.
