Unless you were lucky enough to be invited to your cousin Fidelma’s wedding at sixteen, (plus guest), chances are that the Irish debs was your first formal adult date. It ticks all the boxes; formal wear, a bland hotel, a terrible meal, a nervous date, dancing until the wee hours and pictures that will make you cringe until you’re old enough to treasure them properly – then they become precious memories.
In honour of that landmark night and in advance of this year’s festivities, we’ve taken a trip down memory lane and come up with a definitive list of the fifteen things that are sure to happen at every Irish debs.
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Pictures, Pictures Everywhere
And you’re not taking them yourself with a reverse camera and a duck face. No, mammy’s good camera is out for this occasion, and if you’re really unfortunate the video camera that dad last used for your confirmation will make an appearance too. Mammy tends to fancy herself as a bit of a photographer on a night like this, so get ready to take some ‘artsy’ shots looking into a mirror and about 100 snaps in front of her most impressive flower bed.
Ding Dong Danger
God love the poor fella coming to your house. As if he wasn’t uncomfortable enough in a lilac waistcoat – to match your dress – now he has to present your mother with a box of flowers and suffer through a ‘jokey’ warning from your dad about having you home at a decent hour.
Every Rose Has Its Thorn
Once he’s survived the family hurdle, the object of your affections must attempt to pin a flower to your dress. Whoever decided it would be a good idea to have a shaking 17-year-old handle the top of a girls dress while every one of her relations looked on was clearly a sadist. That, or they’ve never been the poor girl who ended up getting stabbed with a pin in the boob. Bad start. Very bad.
Stretch, Baby, Stretch
Usually, travelling in style with your schoolmates means skipping the bus and catching a lift in your mother’s Micra. Tonight, you ride in style! Every Irish limo operator basically survives on Debs season, so they don’t mind too much that 17 of you have squished yourselves in. Simple maths suggest that one date is already missing. And it begins…
Lessons We Must Learn
If there’s one thing more awkward than your aunties and uncles checking out your date, it’s seeing your Geography and Maths teachers do the same thing. Worse again if you both go to the same mixed school. Make polite conversation about the exams and your plans for next year for about thirty seconds if you can wing it, then bolt.
The Out-Of-It Outfit
There’s always one who really wanted to stand out from the crowd. In hindsight, you’ll think it was a brave move and fair play. At the time, you’re wondering who in the name of God would wear a sparkly pants suit when you had the chance to go full on Princess for the first time since you grew out of your Disney dress-up box.
Terrible Twins
Two poor unfortunate souls will show up in the same dress. Another thing that seems like no big deal now, but when your hormones are having a kick around with your soul and the slightest thing is the biggest drama, this is The Worst.
Making a Meal Of It
If we knew then what we know now, everyone would have eaten their fill before you set foot inside the hotel. The debs meal follows a very set pattern: watery soup, a main meal that is supposed to be a distant relation of turkey and ham, and some form of dessert that allegedly includes apples but is too covered in carton custard for you to tell. It’s only after this night, when you barely manage a bite, that you learn the importance of lining your stomach. Too late.
Breaking Point
Every year group has one: the perfect couple. She’s perfect, he’s perfect – they’re perfect together. Until they have a screaming match at the Debs and you’ll never admit it but you suddenly experience Schadenfreude.
She Shoots, She Scores!
There will be a select few people at your Debs who are actually in relationships. Some others will bring a budding romantic interest in the hopes that it will result in a love connection. For everyone else, all dates are fair game. Which is why you’ll see several people leave with someone other than the guy/girl they arrived with.
TAXI!
The excitement and freedom will be too much to handle for some. You’ll have tucked at least one friend into a taxi and sent them on their merry way to bed before the dancing even starts.
Pull the Pin Out
About three songs into the cover band’s set, there is a mass exodus to the girls bathroom – where tousled tresses will make a bid for freedom. Sure, you have a can of hairspray and 200 grips in it since 11am that morning, paying €50 for the pleasure, but the constant pressure on your skull is finally too much to bear. It’s time to let your hair down. Literally.
Get Down, Get Dirty
That spectacular gown won’t look quite so extraordinary from the back with a muddy arse, but are you missing the chance to get down and dirty for Rock the Boat? Are you what. You too would like to where, you got the motion…
Tears for Fears
Somewhere in the wee hours the hotel will turn the lights up and close the bar. You’ll beg the DJ for “one more tune!” over and over, then on comes your class song. And then come the waterworks. Greenday are responsible for a lot of wet faces at graduations.
Party On to The Break of Dawn
Every school has its own legend. Whether it’s off to the local airport, the beach or the bowling alley, it’s seldom you see the end of a debs when you leave the function room. Arm in arm as the sun rises, it’s the perfect time to tell your besties you’ll be friends forever. Before one of you falls asleep on the beach, stilettos in hand.
