Brought to you by Crunchie
You can’t take us anywhere.
Stepping out for an anniversary meal, or dining with friends for a birthday can be a special treat – once you’re still in the eating comfort zone. Don’t get us wrong, we love a slap-up meal and the excuse to get all dolled up just as much as the next lady, but we don’t always get it right.
Dining out can really throw us off our game. We’ve rounded up all the things we only do when we are eating in a fancy restaurant.
Sit up poker straight
Gone are the slouching days of comfort. You’re in company, posh company. You sit up straight and take a sip of water. Then you fold your hands and look around. Try not to break anything while the waiter brings you the menu…
Google translate the menu
There are more options than a eurosaver meal deal, but it’d help if you actually understood what any of them mean. You recognise parts of words from your Leaving Cert French days… and even then you don’t know what they’re being served with. Why can’t there be pictures too?
Choose anything that sounds like chicken
Screw the meats or steaks, you can’t go wrong with chicken. Chicken is your friend, chicken is safe.
Now to taste the wine
You don’t have the heart to tell them that you can’t really tell the difference between this bottle and the tipple that costs a tenner from Dunnes. Awkwardly sip and smile. If in doubt swirling the wine in your glass always makes you look fancy.
Wearing your napkin
Ideally, you’d tuck the napkin into your collar, but you’re channeling your inner gentlewoman. That napkin is landing straight in your lap, along with half your food. It’s inevitable really.
Instagram your food
Because there is no point in eating this fancy schmancy food if you can’t post it to social media, duh!
Followed by the knife conundrum
Do you start from the outside and work in or start from the inside and work out? There is so much cutlery and so little time. Pick and pray.
Pace yourself
Those tiny portions won’t last long if you’re wolfing down your dinner. It doesn’t help the portion could literally fit in a baby’s palm and you’ve been saving yourself all day.
Decoration or food?
There’s a little flower sitting on top. Do you risk eating it or leave it to the side? Why does it all have to be so complicated?
Any tips?
You’ve paid the guts of a month’s rent and now you’re faced with the tip. You don’t want to look stingy, but there’s a real chance your card will burst into flames at the pay point.
Brought to you by Crunchie – For the mouth that craves the Friday Feeling.
