In a new weekly feature, Her.ie newbie Liz is going to share her weight loss journey. She’ll be filling you in on fighting temptation, her willpower struggles with the cocktail menu and taking painfully slow steps towards regular exercise. All in the name of a dress.
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Hanging on the wall at the end of my bed is the constant reminder I plan on shedding nearly two stone this year. I also plan on marking the trials and tribulations of ‘trying to be good’ – the favourite saying we all tout, and quickly replace when a cake is put in front of us.
Week eight: Opening up… and no, not the bag of crisps
This week I was suffering from a massive lack of motivation. I knew I was up on my target and yet I couldn’t help myself. I was on goodie press self-destruction mode and after every extra treat was demolished I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt.
You know that scene in Mean Girls where they do the cafeteria breakdown of where to sit? Well pleased to meet you – I’m officially a girl who eats her feelings. And apparently I feel. A LOT.
From chocolate to savoury snacks, I was feeling a little down these past few days and I was eating my way through it. I was kicking myself too, because I knew I had publicly set myself the 4lb loss this week – but if I kept this pattern up I was looking at another gain on the scales.
So I did something I hadn’t tried yet. I talked to people about my weight loss.
Now I know people are going to read this and question that isn’t that what I’m already doing? Seriously, how can I have anything else to even talk about? But here’s the difference – I talked to family and friends not about losing weight, but about the real things that were affecting my mood and taking my focus off my goals.
I’m an emotional eater. When I’m happy, I eat regular, well-portioned meals with all the essential food groups. But when I’m hurt, upset or stressed my best friend is a jar of Nutella and a trusty spoon. Don’t even insult me with a slice of bread. Please.
They say sharing is caring – well I think being honest about why you’ve gained weight is probably one of the hardest things you need to admit to yourself. So here goes…
My weight gain last year was down to a family death. My incredible granny, who had been a second mother and looked after me when my own mum couldn’t, passed away. Yes, she was old, and we knew it was coming, but it broke my heart. She was the kind of woman who could tell a story and wrap you up in her words. Despite her age, she had the same doting, motherly instinct you take with a child and would regularly fold my hands in hers to warm them up. “Cold paws, warm heart” was one of her favourite sayings. She was the ultimate mother bear and I was her cub.
So I felt a little broken when I had to say goodbye to the person who had been our family strength for so long. Of course she had been there to celebrate the good times and offer us hugs of joy, but she was the glue that held us through sudden losses, exams, those niggly life disappointments and times of unrest.
With granny gone, I struggled to talk about my feelings. So I ate.
I ate in rings around me, and it was only in March (a full year later), that I admitted to myself that I had literally been stuffing my feelings with pizza crust. Yes it was a delicious way of coping with a bad day, but I couldn’t be surprised my actions would later wreak havoc on my waistline.
And here’s the thing. I know not everyone sporting a few extra pounds has a wound they’re carrying with them, but I bet few people think to ask. It’s somehow harder to admit you might be loosening the belt because you’ve been having a rough couple of weeks rather than clutching to the baby weight/ holiday season/ family genetics reasoning that are much more popular explanations.
I can thankfully say that a year later, things are good. I have an amazing circle of friends and family around me that this week I was able to turn to, and I’m not going to berate myself for holding my hands up and admitting I need help every now and again.
So to anyone who offered me a motivational tip, to the readers who send me weekly words of support and to friends who check in just to say hi, or see how I am – thank you. It feels amazing to know you have people there looking out for you.
Which brings me up to this week’s weigh-in, and the results of my binge eating and soul purging diet of the past seven days.
I was nervous and ready to accept whatever fate had to throw at me. I was also feeling determined, that with the weight metaphorically lifted off my shoulders, I would soon see the physical results on my tummy and thighs… even if it wasn’t this week.
My leader looked up and gave me a smile. I was down 2.5lbs. So I had undone the damage from the week before, and although I hadn’t made the extra 2lbs I had initially set myself, I felt a sense of pride.
I was proud that when I was faced with the choice, I picked up the phone and not a double date with Ben&Jerry.
Kate Moss once said, “Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels”. Now I know that may be her mantra to keep away from treats, but I’m adopting it for my own lifestyle. Nothing does taste as good as being skinny feels, because eating everything under the sun won’t make you feel better if you just need to open up.
And trust me, when you do, the pounds will drop off you – leaving you super svelte and flashing those pearly whites for all the right reasons.
Who knew Kate Moss was so philosophical, eh?
This week’s stats go a little something like this –
Height: 5ft 8
Starting Weight: 174 lbs
Current Weight: 163 lbs
Weight Loss To Date: 11 lb (That stung a little)
Goal: 148 lbs
Feeling: Proud of myself.
The Dress in Question:
Photo via Zara
