How’re things?
Inda Kinny here, absolutely beside myself to be taking part in Her.ie’s diary entry series.
Lads I’m worn out! This election has been nothing short of a pain in the hole. If I could be so cheeky as to use this platform here, can I just say that you should absolutely vote for Fine Gael this Friday because we believe in [███REDACTED███] and not to mention all we do for[███ REDACTED███].
Suppose I should probably start by explaining that “whingers” comment I made at the weekend. I was in Castlebar, in my home county of Mayo, and the exact words I said went something like: “These people are All-Ireland champions when it comes to whingeing”. Now folks, I’ll be honest, I was thrilled with my little phrase “All-Ireland champions” and I still think it’s very funny altogether.
As a natural comedian, I’m going to share this inside information with you: Sometimes you get so fixated on a joke that you kind of forget what you’re saying. This universally-funny phrase was bursting to get out of me, and rightfully so. Nobody mentioned any of the other hilarious jokes I dropped on stage. Typical!
At the time, I was asked who I was referring to, which was the locals. Now, I’ve had time to have a think and also I got a right bollocking from my advisors, so I’ve decided it’s better to say that I was referring to Fianna Fáil. Similar to a fully-functioning JCB on a building site, I might as well get a dig in while I’m here.
Just in case anyone thinks I was calling the locals of Castlebar “whingers”, which I was very accurately quoted as doing so, I would like to take this opportunity to also completely change the meaning of the word. I didn’t mean “whingers” in the traditional sense, obviously. My understanding of the word “whingeing”, is that it is an aviation term, pertaining to the wings on a plane. I actually have a background in aviation, which means I have a deep understanding of the terminology.
With that information, it is very clear that I was saying that the people of Castlebar are flying high and have the ability to successfully navigate up to 300,000kg of cargo safely around the world. I was also saying that Fianna Fáil are a bunch of gobshites. It’s surprising that I even have to clarify this when it was so blatant in my speech, but I suppose it comes with the territory.
Another issue I’d like to bring up is my comparison to the villain in Nickelodeon’s ‘Doug’. I would like to go on the record as saying that I vehemently deny the recognition of any likeness between myself and Roger M. Klotz, both on physical and psychological grounds. I am not the school bully and I am certainly not interested in Patti Mayonnaise. If anything, I see myself as more of a Skeeter, in the sense that I am a fantastic dancer.
I’ve a busy week ahead. I hope to christ Fine Gael can do the business on Friday, or I’ll be the one whingeing then! (But just to clarify once more, I was not calling the people of Castlebar whingers and that money was just resting in my account). If I see anything as obscene as “It’s the Enda Kenny” in the papers on Saturday morning, I’ll be sick.
Listen, take it handy,
Enda x
