Mars, am I right? (The planet, not the chocolate bar).
It’s only a matter of time until we can all start moving to Mars. I can’t wait, but I’m concerned about what I should pack.
After some extensive research and statistical analysis, here is what is likely to be waiting for us on Mars when we eventually get there.
1. Volkswagen Golfs
Based on the Earth numbers, there are statistically ten billion Volkswagen Golfs waiting for us on Mars currently. It’s a popular car on any planet and by Christ the basics love it.
2. Bobby Pins
You can never find one when you need one, but rest assured, Mars is littered with hairclips, or ‘slides’, as the more adorable of us call them.
3. Pigeons
These brave little freaks are everywhere and they’re getting braver every day. Mars is called the red planet because it is furious with all the pigeons inhabiting it currently.
4. Katie Hopkins’ Horrible Opinions
If you’re leaving Earth to escape these horrendous opinions, you may as well stay put. Her toxic words have spread as far as Mars and we’ve received unconfirmed reports that the aliens are as fed up with her as we are.
5. Arts Degrees
Now officially more popular than body hair, Mars is littered with Arts Degrees. Finding the going a bit tough in college? Not to worry, simply jet off to Mars for an afternoon and grab yourself this prestigious award.
6. Starbucks
Mars was barely discovered and there was already 35 Starbucks doing a trade up there. It’s comforting to know that when we finally move in, there’ll be soy decaf skinny lattes on tap.
