You’ve grown up singing into a hairbrush in front of the mirror, you’ve dreamed of performing in front of thousands for years, you’ve hung on to every word of advice any singer has ever said aloud, hoping someday you will be able to quote them as being your inspiration…
What you need is to get onto a reality television talent show stage.
We put our heads together here and decided we would make you a list of top tips on what to do, and what not to do, when you’re at that once-in-a-lifetime audition.
So grab the family, pile them into a rented mini-bus and print off this list for a pre-stage pep talk, you’re heading to the auditions!
Get Your Sob Story Set.
You won’t get your piece to camera unless you have a sob story, just something the producers can put a bit of poignant music behind. You will be asked to sit on a chair on your own to think about your sob story so practise your ‘thinking about the past’ face. There, you’re ready.
Wear Something That Will Make You Stand Out.
Although you’d love to be remembered after your audition by name, you won’t be. So wear or do something noticeable that will get you to stand out from the crowd. You will become known as ‘The Girl With The Big Red Bow’, ‘The Girl Who Brought Her Pet For Moral Support’, or, take a leaf out of X-Factor’s Diane Vickers, and become ‘The Girl With No Shoes Or Socks’.
Don’t Sing Adele.
These are invaluable words of advice. We’re not sick of Adele, we’re just sick of people impersonating her songs and relating the lyrics to their own life stories. The songs have lost their ‘chill down the back factor’ when sung by other people. The judges are sick of people singing Adele songs and the audiences are sick of people singing Adele songs so don’t even think about learning the lyrics to ‘Someone Like You’.
Sing In The Line.
Make sure you save some vocal power for singing in the queue outside the door. Think clever and start up a tune to get the cameras’ attention, maybe it’s something to do with the weather, perhaps it’s a song by one of the judges. Get your name out there.
Cry At The End Of The Performance.
Practise your crocodile tears, it looks really good on camera. And it will give the producers a chance to use their emotional soundtrack again.
Bring Your Whole Family.
“My whole family?!” you say. Yes, your whole family, we say. Ring the aunties and uncles in County Kerry, text the cousins who are in college in Dublin, nab a few old friends from the Gaeltacht in Galway, the more people the better. Promise them all a few seconds on national television.
Tell The Judges You’ve Never Sang In Public.
They’re not to know you’ve won the Bally-Go-Backwards Song Contest the last seven years in a row. It makes for a good surprise when they hear you belt out your tunes with confidence.
Play Innocent.
You might know how good you are but don’t let on, these people never come across well on camera. You might know what judge you want in advance of ‘The Voice’ and Wikipedia-ed every single detail of their lives, but don’t let on, pretend you’ll be happy with whatever judge you get, you’ll come across better on the show.
And finally, the best of luck from all of us.
