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Life

25th Nov 2014

10 Things… That Prove You Are No Longer a Student

Student discount is a thing of the past. (*Weeps*)

Rebecca McKnight

Your student days are filled with essay deadlines, nights out and educational lectures… well they were supposed to be anyway. But when you leave university, quite a lot changes. More than you probably realise. Here are 10 things that prove you are no longer a student…

                                                                                                             

1. No more afternoon naps

The reason you had enough energy to go out three nights in a row? All those power naps. They were great for recharging the batteries between lunch and lectures, dinner and drinks. Now when we say we’re going home for a nap, it never happens.

2. Your kitchen does not have a traffic cone in it

Just the traditional kettle and toaster. Traffic cones are where they belong, on the road.

3. Jeremy Kyle is a distant memory

We no longer know if he was the father of the child or if that person slept with the friend who turned out to be the brother who was stealing from his aunt. Oh Jezza, we miss you.

4. … so is student discount

There’s nothing more depressing than the day after your student card expires. You can try to cover the date with your thumb but you will eventually be found out and it will lead to a very embarrassing exchange. Also, HOW expensive are clothes and the cinema?!

5. Drinking is a weekend hobby

You go from drinking pretty much every other day to having a few drinks on the weekend or for special occasions. Why? Because you’re not cut out for that s**t anymore.

6. Wine is actual wine

Goodbye Buckfast. Hello Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon.

7. Sharing a single bed is unthinkable

Back then you didn’t mind (probably because you were a little tipsy and were looking forward to a lie-in followed by a nap and some Jeremy Kyle the next morning) but now you’d rather sleep on the floor and no amount of hotness is going to change that.

8. You have no choice but to brace the elements

It’s raining but you won’t be able to catch up tomorrow. You’re in the real world now people.

9. You have a pension/ savings account

Face it, you’re a responsible adult now. That means thinking about the future and we’re not just talking about next year or the year after. We’re talking the next 40 years. The terms “interest rates” and “VAT” are being thrown about like nobody’s business.

10. The summer is two weeks (if you’re lucky!)

Sure, two months of doing nothing seemed a bit mad at the time but we’d give everything that’s in our pension fund to have one of those summers now.